All I want right now is just fuck the shit out of a cute girl and make her cum so hard that she passes out. Then we’d fall asleep all tangled up and she’d wake me up with oral.
Been there, done that, got the reunion tour Teeshirt.
The falling asleep tangled up part is cute once, but after 8 years it can devolve to ‘passionately try to fuck, stop halfway through because you’re both utterly exhausted, try again the next day’
Though sometimes the stars align and you lose an entire saturday to Hedonism exquisite enough to kill a Westboro Baptist Churchgoer dead in their tracks.
*nearby lesbian laughter*
*muffled asexual snickering*
*conflicted pansexual noises*
*moderately panicked bisexual muttering*
HETEROSEXUAL SCREAMING IN ANGUISH
Laughter from anyone who realises condoms are not the only form of birth control.
Louder laughter from those that remember that STDs and STIs are an actual thing that happen whether one is on the pill or not.Laughter stops as people remember that STDs and STIs are an actual thing that happen whether one is on the pill or not.
Literally everyone, regardless of orientation, mutters awkwardly and shuffles away as they remember that STDs and STIs are an actual thing that can happen to anyone who is sexually active, and not just heterosexual people.
*asexual snickering increases in volume*
Anonymous asked: omg if baby oil dissolves condoms what the fuck does it do to babies???
This may be shocking, but babies and condoms are made of different material